New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The Olympian is in my bed
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