and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
