You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
