Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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