I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize