Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
