it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
