Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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