I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
