i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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