I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
