Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
