I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
