btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize