it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
