you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
