My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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