how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
