Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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