There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
