Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
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