Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
