One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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