If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize