we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
