Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
