remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
