i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm bleeding and have questions
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize