i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My vagina is officially offended.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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