i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
