they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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