you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
