Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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