just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
