I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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