how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
