I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
