My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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