He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
