So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
