He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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