my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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