Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
honey bunches of taint.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize