hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm passing your future prison.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
