Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
