you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize