i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
