She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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