i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
