he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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