you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
