If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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