Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
