Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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