where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
