Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
