I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
