Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
