your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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