He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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