Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
