i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I will pee on everything he values.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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