video games are the ultimate cock blocker
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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