It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
this will be a night to untag.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
