I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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