Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
