I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
