I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
