Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
