We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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