I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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