i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
