I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
