I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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