i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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