I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
