Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
this is an emotional support booty call
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize