It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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