glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
