I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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