dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
