Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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