i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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