My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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