If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
