We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
