Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
