help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
