All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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