I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
