i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
