I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
