I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
