I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just want to make out with him forever
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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