It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
