i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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