i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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