Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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