Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
