i just sent this text using only my big toe
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
