Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I understand Curling. That high.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
