Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I want to make a zoo with you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
