This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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