for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
