that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
