it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
