i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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