I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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