pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize