Pappa wants mamma naked
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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