You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
