Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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