they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
