you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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